Foot-Foot Damage

So I was lying on the edge of the bed. Foot-Foot decided he wanted to climb up onto the bed too for some serious nuzzling and all that shit cats are into. Instead of jumping (I don't know) over me, he decided it was a good idea to sink his little claws into my rib-meat and climb me. I resisted the urge to fling him across the room (but only because I know he didn't mean it... if he meant it, that little bitch would be splattered all over my wall right now).


Did I mention I'm allergic to cats? Eve probably got her tats after a similar occasion.

So We Don't Forget About "Erika and Zach" or "Czar Tara Choy VII"

So I was doing some rearranging of the personal blog-eroo, and decided to delete the pages I had made for a few short-lived music projects. Lest we forget, I'm just gonna summarize those pages in a post on this one.

Erika and Zach

The name says it all. We were Erika and Zach. Did we do much? Nope. I decided that Isthmus and the Lisps is definitely a loose enough term to include music projects by small subsets of band members. Therefore, when Erika and Zach record or perform outside of the Isthmus and the Lisps umbrella-ella-ella , we will from now on be referred to as Erika Young and Zach Forsberg-Lary of Isthmus and the Lisps. I feel like Prince (or whatever you call that guy now).

Anyway, here are the recordings that were once posted on the "Erika and Zach" page. They're nothing special, but they're genuine so I feel bad letting them die or fade into oblivion.

"Mama Was" (Isthmus and the Lisps)

Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen)

Well that's that. Next, let's not forget about this Osmond-esque duet (Osmond-esque without quite the level of corniness and obviously without the weird incest-vibe I always got from those white-toothed creepers). Without further ado:

Czar Tara Choy VII

We played one show. But it was one of those shows that people will wistfully mumble to their progeny about. Okay, maybe not "people" but I probably will. I will definitely at least mention this to my kids some day:

"Hey, you kids know your aunt Vic?"

"Yeah."

"She and I played a show together once."

"Yeah dad, you tell us every time we come to visit you."

"Oh."

"Aunt Vic died like fifteen years ago, and you're a senile old coot in an assisted-living home." Stop telling weird stories that aren't true. You're scaring the nurses."

"No, get me the internet, I'll show you!"

"The internet? Good one, dad. There's no such thing as the internet anymore."

"What?"

"Remember we got you that 5-Dimensional Global-Thought Network Chip for Christmas last year?"

"Yeah, but installing it was too confusing. I couldn't get the clock to read the right time."

"We'll have one of your grandkids stop by and fix it for you, but you'll have to pay them $10, since they're at the age where they hate their families and won't do chores without monetary incentives."

"Oh okay, thanks."

And that will be that. Anyway, here are the only recordings Czar Tara Choy VII ever recorded; from a live performance at The Livingroom in Providence RI. Songs recorded by Scotty V.

Melt With You (Modern English)

Garden Grove (Sublime)

MmmmBop (Hanson)

Hey (The Pixies)

Happy Together (The Turtles)

Semicharmed Kind of Life (Third Eye Blind)

Review: Regina Spektor - Far

Let me begin by saying that I am what you would call a "fan" of Regina; not a "superfan": I don't have any T-shirts or dolls made from her hair or anything, just one poster that Erika got for free the other day and it's not even on the wall yet. I'm not even a fan from the beginning: I got into her third album first and had to backtrack. I eagerly anticipated Begin to Hope and compromised my opinions a little when the arrangements had more than three instruments. I defended her when her indie fans said the shit that other indie kids always get off to: "it's overproduced," or "I liked her early stuff the best," or "it's too catchy."

That said, I'm not sure how to feel about Far. I've been too out of the loop to realize she was releasing another album, which may have played in her favor: I had nothing to anticipate; no expectations. I ended up feeling confused while listening to it for the first time this morning. I like it, but I don't love it yet. I wonder if I ever will. I can easily anticipate the criticisms of others and just as easily refute them:

1. It is heavily produced.

This is merely a fact and not a valid criticism.

2. It sounds like a significant departure from the style that her "true" fans enjoy so much.

However, it fits into a logical progression. If your first three albums garner enough respect and street-credibility among indie fans and fellow musicians, you will release a fourth and it will include a greater attention to detail in production. If that one opens you up to a wider market and twelve-year-old girls love your singles and can watch your videos on MTV, and you make a ton of money, why would you return to a style that would surely diminish your potential in a mainstream market with your fifth major release?

3. "Laughing With" - Comes across as a little "preachy."

So could "Samson," and "Chemo-Limo." Why does it sound like a lecture? Is it because Regina's so quirky and cute that serious themes just throw us off? Is it because some of her collegiate hipster fans are smart enough to doubt things like God and religion and nothing pisses us ultra-liberals off more than when someone as smart and weird and interesting as we are believes strongly in something so illogical as God and likes something so mainstream as religion?

4. Her "new" stuff seems forced. Quirky loses its novelty after five albums.

Almost half the songs on this album are old. "Blue Lips," "Folding Chair," "Dance Anthem of the 80's," "Genius next Door," "Human of the Year," and "Wallet" all predate the release of Begin to Hope (some of them even predate Soviet Kitsch). There are recorded performances of all of these songs from as early as 2003. Why is this important? Well, because we can criticize the songs in terms of writing or production, but to compare them to her others as "new" and "old" is just wrong.

Where does this all of this lead us? Nowhere. It's art. The elements and execution that should classify it as "good" or "bad" are ultimately irrelevant. The true answer lies in how Regina really feels about it, and how her audience reacts to it. Bullshit aside, does she like the songs she and her producers chose to include? Is she happy with the final product? What would she do differently if she could go back in time and release it again? What's her favorite track? Why?

Maybe equally important: When I listen to it not as a critic but as a fan do I like it? Do you like it? Do any of the songs make us feel anything? Are we glad we bought it or stole it? If we stole it, do we wish we bought it? Will we still go see her live the next time she's in town, knowing half the songs at the show will be from this album?

Yes, probably, yes, yes, yes, and as long as I'm not working that night.

Trip-Hopera

So... Isthmus and the Lisps is releasing a trip-hopera. That's right: we are the first ever to coin the term and release an album that corresponds to this definition. Booya.

A Bottle of Gin Is Not Like Love...

So I've been working quite a bit lately. I enjoy work and I am doing well at it, but I may not want to do this exact job forever (nor do I want my job title to define who I am). It doesn't have the pizazz that I think I want in a job title.

A few job titles that would be glamorous enough to define myself:

Dragon Hunter
Artiste
Mastermind Behind _________ (*insert scandal or national tragedy)
Auteur
Convict
Nun
Personal Assistant to _________ (*insert name of washed-up celebrity)
Astro-Physicist
Molecular Biologist
Orgasm Inducer
Illusionist
Breakfast Eater

Speaking of the title of this post, which comes from a Magnetic Fields song, I like that similes lose some of their effect if the terms are reversed (and lose even more if only the nouns are switched). For example, "the tiger paced the ring like a caged boxer." Or, "the ants of this city are like little people."

Also, I like that Watchmen came out today. I will soon see it, because I think it looks entertaining.

Some music projects are churning through my brain. Erika and I are planning a trip to RI and MA March 27/28/29. Look forward to it if you live in either of those states, and dread it if you live in DE.

Ways to kill, injure, or annoy people by hiding things in soap...

So my friend and I were talking about soap for some reason and ways to kill without detection. Why? I don't really know. But anyway, here they are:

1. Bar Soap - embed razor blades into the bar by pushing through the bottom of the soap. make sure the razors are invisible.

According to this blogger, some French pulp-fiction anti-hero named Fantomas already did this in some old publication or film or something.

2. Dish Soap - mix in spoonfuls of arsenic or some other poison into counter-top dish soap containers. As the victim washes dishes and glasses, a residue with trace amounts of poison will be left on drying dishes. When the dishes are used, the poison will be consumed slowly but effectively.

Apparently, something like this is already happening to people all over the globe, but because of arsenic in drinking water... not soap.

3. Liquid Hand Soap - Smash clear glass bottles or jars with a hammer until a fine splintery powder is achieved. Stir result into a Liquid hand soap dispenser. Glass particles will be undetectable until the soap is lathered and rubbed into the hands.

More similar to the "Razors in Soap" idea, someone made a short youtube.com video about glass in soap. I guess I'm not as original as I thought.

4. Laundry Detergent - Shred fiberglass insulation in a blender or manually. Stir result into container of laundry detergent. As clothes are washed with detergent, fibers will embed themselves in garments. When worn, an itchy rash consisting of invisible glass splinters will occur.

5. Shampoo and Conditioner - Mix 1 part Nair or other depilatory product with existing product in normal shampoo or conditioner bottles. Victims will lose hair.

This is sort of a classic prank idea, I'm not sure when or where it started. There are tons of google.com hits for "nair in shampoo" though, so I'm fairly certain that this idea must have seeped into my subconscious at some point.

Like Peter Pan, or Superman...

Seriously, like Peter Pan, I would love to stay forever young (not to be confused with the song "Forever Young" by Alphaville). Like Superman, I would enjoy flying around town all day faster than a speeding bullet with Lois Lane (not ever to be confused with "Hi and Lois".

It looks like there are a few ways this fantasy could go wrong. I've got to be real specific when I tell that ass-hole genie what I want (he already fucked up the 16 inch dick I ordered [chode anyone?]). With my luck, I will end up as a lame 80's pop song flying around faster than a speeding bullet with a pen and ink dog.

The dogs are howling.